My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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