I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
