the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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