Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What drink are we having for lunch?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
