If that was your dad, he is hot
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize