He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
