Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
