All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
