I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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