My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
