you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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