please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
