I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
