can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
