hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
