I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
