Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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