Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
