I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
