WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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