bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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