You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
