Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
