Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
