This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
