please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Houston, we have a squirter
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize