i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
