i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
