Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
