That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
