I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
