I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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