The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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