The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
