The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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