Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
