You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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