Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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