I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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