the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
