omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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