i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
