i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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