I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize