a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
