i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
