Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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