why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize