Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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