Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
