The maid of honor just puked.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
