Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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