Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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