it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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