Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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