I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
