I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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