They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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