I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
