oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
