the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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