My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
