Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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