she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
