FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize