it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is Oprah even human
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize