I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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