Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
