Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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