Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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