Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
