just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
