bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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