i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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