I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
