my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm really busy with my period
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