Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
