i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
