I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
