I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
